Whirling

As the stars twinkle
the birds settle for the night,
while the storm gently rattles my old
fashioned window panes;
still I lie here,
silent as the dark night,
while you dance through my mind
over, and over and over again.

I watch as you grasp my hand
touch my cheek,
caress my lips with your own
whisper in my ear
hug me close.

You’re whirling through my head
over, and over and over,
I can’t close my eyes for peace
you’re there; stronger than ever.
I can’t cast you away
you follow me, into the depths
of my restless dreams.

I can’t breathe, for
thoughts get stuck in my throat
words I was afraid to utter,
feelings I was too cowardly to share
trap me, holding me down;
it’s getting too much.

Every dream I had,
the many desires I held down
struggled with my longing
and let it simmer beneath the surface
my smiles, my jokes, a façade;
protecting myself
from these reckless, wild desires
I have for you.

I can’t breathe, can’t think
it’s bubbling beneath the surface
and slowly I’m falling apart
wishing for it to be under your touch;
as you take me with you
over beautifully magic hills
to the heavens and beyond.

I’ve written thousands of words,
marked these pages,
wept over the ink flowing from my pen,
poured my heart out,
all for you.

Yet you’ve moved on,
your heart captured by another
left me standing still in time,
longing for you, as the day I first met you
and basked in your warm eyes.

Denied all the feelings I had for you
until it was too late,
and time had passed on by,
as they say,
ships crossing in the night,
I missed your loving embrace
and it’s all my fault

My stubbornness,
my fearful heart, and terrified body
scared to love,
fearing the end;
scared you’ll leave
like all others did.

I am trying, best that I can,
yet it’s too late,
you’ve gone;
anchors up, you’ve left the shore,
standing tall, I wave goodbye
with a soft sad smile upon my lips;
I’ll love you still,
the best way I know,
always.

It’s Burning

Do you know, how close you are,
to tearing down my barriers,
I’m standing here,
silently begging,
uncover me, release me,
renew me.

I’m silently screaming out loud,
hold me, just, hold me,
please take me in your arms
have me, now,
kiss me, like nobody’s looking,
stop making me wait,
don’t make me wonder,
show me, now,
tell me, you love me.

The burning…
I can’t hold on.

I Know

I know it’s not my right,
turned that down, the day I said no,
but the longing doesn’t stop,
my feelings won’t go away as quickly
as the time it took to walk out your door
and walked into the distance.

You’ll tell me it’s not my right
to yearn for your arms,
feel your soft lips upon mine
to escape in your strong embrace
pretend I’m somewhere safe,
instead of the hell I find myself in.

I know you’re right,
you can’t be mine,
not today, nor tomorrow
I lost all the rights I had
to run into your arms
and hold you throughout time

But the longing won’t stop
the burning won’t simmer
the desire lingers always,
without chiling waters,
I am ablaze, wanting of you
knowing I’m lost to this
emptiness pit, I can’t escape.

Entirely Yours

Sometimes I wonder, what would you think, if you knew half of my poems were about you?

What would you say? What would you think? To know I’d written love letter equivalents to you?

I’ve become familiar with you, I know your cheeky smile, to your serious, contemplating face, to your jokey tones, and your lustful requests.

Slowly but surely I’ve come to know you, slowly but surely, inside and out.

I went from being cautious, timid and tentative… to giving you my whole heart; unwillingly, I gave myself to you. All but my body, I gave you my soul. Trusted you with my heart, without realising you had it anyway.

With your sweet, gentle smile, and tender care, you captured my heart, willing or not, I was gone. Swept away in your eyes, and remarkable kindness – I was gone, I was finished — I was yours.

But, I don’t think you know – how you swept me away. Unknowingly, you caught me, and though I resisted, I stand here – naked, head to toe, soul through and through, and I know, if you call, I am yours.

I am yours, I’ll always be yours, through the rough storms and swell-rough seas, I’ll stand tall and proudly say; I’m yours.

Even if you don’t know you’ve got me, I’m yours.

I’ll be yours until I am no longer me, where I’ll find you in heaven.

I remember

How’d we get here,
to this lonely place
where idle chit chat has become the norm
and empty jokes about each others lovers
are now common place conversations

How’d we get here?

Don’t you remember,
the times we spent over the summer
long, lustful conversations
taunting each other with promises for
tomorrow, all the things we never said
all the things we never did.

Do you remember?

I remember your charming ways,
the memories of you chivalrous traits
tempting me, so close to the edge
of letting go, jumping off the cliffs
hoping we’d soar, and climb higher
than the mountains we longed for and admired.

Will you remember?

As I remember.

How?

How is it possible to lose something,
you never had?
How is it possible to cry for someone,
you didn’t want?
How is it possible to feel empty and broken,
when I didn’t want him anyway?

Why do I lie awake at night,
and feel a part of me is missing?
Why do I cry at the thought,
of not seeing him again?
Why do I feel jealous,
when I think of him smiling with someone else?

A New Morning

It’s as clear, as the daylight in my eyes
the memory of our time last night
it’s as if I’m lying in your arms
head tucked under your chin
in an awakened, soothing slumber
we lie so still, breathing shallow
but whole and warm
a glow burns within and no regret lingers
despite the surprise, I find myself in.

I’m wrapped up in your strange, unfamiliar,
yet warm and tender arms,
as you gently stroke my shoulder,
warmth radiates from my body
as I awaken, I stir.

Memories of last night chase me
amidst my morning dreams,
chaste kisses and deliriously warm embraces
I clung to you with feaverish need,
not caring to hide my unabashed desire,
and trust in your arms,
to hold me, to take me, to cherish me
to love me fully.

I lie here now, one day on
as I watch the clock tick slowly by,
I know it’s time to move on,
as I slowly clamber out of the cold bed
memories of our sweet, warm morning lingers
bittersweet, and beautiful.

For a moment I wonder,
if you’re thinking of me,
just now, as I am thinking of you,
and our sweet time together,
as we separately brace a new day’s chilly morning
and cooling prospect of nothing more.

You crept up on me,
charmed me,
with the softest smiles
and endearing care
I unexpectedly got caught,
though I never meant to,
didn’t think it could happen to me…

But you slipped in,
slowly, and quietly, etched yourself into my skin
deep into my soul,
close to my heart,
swept away by your gentle eyes;
and loving heart.

It was never supposed to happen
and there’s nothing to do
about this heart full of love
I have for you.
But write you this letter,
though you’ll never believe
I wrote it to you.

I want to throw down the towel
and say to you now,
kiss me here, just kiss me once;
don’t think, don’t stop,
hold me like you want to,
show me you care,
grasp my hands, and hold me whole,
kiss me now, kiss me here,
even if there’s no more tomorrow
don’t leave me standing here,
waiting; show me you care.

Burning

I’d write long lost love letters,
send my thoughts to you
through pen and paper,
ink my thoughts forever more
condemn myself, to you
with a hopefulness
of young love…

I’d embrace you,
if I thought you’d capture me
whole; and never let go,
but I am afraid,
fearful of failing,
scared of the let down.

I’ll hold it inside;
think of you lovingly,
with building desire,
and longing passion;
I’ll hold tightly onto hope,
begging for you to come for me
grip me, take me,
possess me, burn for me,
as I burn brightly for you.